i used to write down the things i hate at the office.
as far as i remember most related to those uncooperative colleagues,
some were my own undisciplined character, made my tasks completed with flaws.
but to think it over, all my problems as above, the things i hate, are not important now.
because it all happened in the past, let it be. i’m just fine right now.
when i was a little kid, my mom often said this phrase “this is life”
now i can understand what was actually she talked about,
the matters of life, being born, live a life, becoming old, sick, and die,
paths taken, with all the experiences, tears, joy, until the end.
seeing the babies born
seeing the oldies passed away
seeing the youngsters with blissful or wasteful youth
under this same old empty sky…
i used to say, i want to become the wind,
but now i want to become an air,
because it is unseen, cannot be felt,
just fill the emptiness with nothingness.
listening to old songs
feels like yesterday’s newly released
i miss those times
feels like the future parly reversed.
do you know that feeling ?
lying in a closed box, fit your body, no light penetrates it
you are all alone
that’s the final resting, end of this current lifetime.
while still alive, i can hold many hands of friends
share laughters and sadness, being supported, being betrayed
when the time comes, i hold no one hands,
from the cradle to the grave, feelis like a fast-forwarded movie.
while i still alive, i choose to stay away
being a loner, but not antisocial
so when the time comes, it doesn’t matter i hold no one, nothing
i let my heart has empty space, so it feels closer to the empty sky
living in this world, I think it is already a great effort
to avoid dangers, avoid risking others; life, avoid commiting sins
to deal with pains, deal with problems, and deal with ups and downs of life
and survive with peaceful heart, freed from anger, hatred, and regrets.
i’m not afraid of death.
it’s just i am afraid if when i die, my mind filled with regrets and my heart is restless.
therefore, may when i die, circumstances let me build a condition to retain such peace of mind, without regrets.
therefore, let me live this life, at its best, free from hatred, ill-will, and hypocrisy.
may all beings retain their happiness, be at peace.
she walks with her barefoot, across the streets and bridges
under the sky, she finds an abandoned garden
sit there, she remembers some pieces of bittersweet memories
whispers to herself, “not bad, isn’t it?”
for all the experiences,
chances she’d taken, failed or succeeded
chances she’d not taken, regretted or grateful
let them go, one by one
how spacious she must build a house for herself
to save all her belongings
how far she must go
to see the world
how deep she must dig
to bury all her sorrows
how long she must wait the rain to stop
inside her heart, it is raining as well.
when i was young,
i was led by my heart to seek for happiness
i am only a refugee seeking for safe road to home
i see those faces,
the young ones
the old ones
i see those tears,
aspirations and desperations
i see those guests
come and go
nothing stays forever
but they keep coming
until the day i close these eyes
and open it again
to experience those sights
unseen but familiar
wish to be better
strive to do more.