say the truth, i don’t really care yet i know i should at least put a concern on it.
because i was paid to finish the job and my character is make sure it is well executed.
it is just sometimes i feel it is better to work with pigs and dogs, at least they are cute,
then most times, i think it is best to wait and see
if the rain gonna pour down, it’s not only rain on me
therefore i am like, wearing a raincoat all the time
who often offend your feelings, hurt your pride and such–
then try to be not easilty get offended by others, try to be down to earth and humble.
if this fails, try to think like this:
“maybe it is my bad karma, my past actions toward others might be just the same like them,
therefore i must not commit the same things toward anyone in this lifetime,
and most of all, i must not let them and their actions inhibit my mind,
let me unattached to anything related to them,
therefore in the future, in the next life, hopefully i won’t meet such people anymore.”
“i won’t hate those people,
i would try my best not to strike back,
by not letting myself interact with such people in that way,
hopefully all of us would be freed from hatred, and would be peace at mind and heart.
“i must not let wasting time to think about how their actions offended and hurted me,
since it happened in the past, let it remain in the past,
let my present-time feeling no longer has such worthless thoughts,
since i never plan to have them in my thoughts in the future.”
afterall, you might say everyone is equal,
but you should know, there are lots of things you must conduct first to claim your rights
and what matters most is everyone is not equal in term of moraility, virtue, wisdom,
the ones who “think” they have higher morality, virtue, and wisdom, should be freed from hatred, greed.
to the kind persons in my life.
of course, my parents.
well, also Buddha.
life companions …
and also …
thanking myself all these years
be able to avoid things that would be regretted later
be able to do things that would inspire me to do better
be able to never stop learning, always try to be honest and humble.
because life is just like a dream, isn’t it?
whether it is a good dream, a nightmare,
as some things not ours to take control,
all i have to do is treat this self properly, behave well.
in the end, i think, it doesn’t matter if you don’t achieve great things,
because life itself is great, as long as you live properly, grow compassion and sincerity
it is a blessing to all, not bringing disgrace to family and society, just live as it is,
may all beings be happy, be able to retain their happiness, be at peace.
i used to write down the things i hate at the office.
as far as i remember most related to those uncooperative colleagues,
some were my own undisciplined character, made my tasks completed with flaws.
but to think it over, all my problems as above, the things i hate, are not important now.
because it all happened in the past, let it be. i’m just fine right now.
when i was a little kid, my mom often said this phrase “this is life”
now i can understand what was actually she talked about,
the matters of life, being born, live a life, becoming old, sick, and die,
paths taken, with all the experiences, tears, joy, until the end.
seeing the babies born
seeing the oldies passed away
seeing the youngsters with blissful or wasteful youth
under this same old empty sky…
i used to say, i want to become the wind,
but now i want to become an air,
because it is unseen, cannot be felt,
just fill the emptiness with nothingness.
listening to old songs
feels like yesterday’s newly released
i miss those times
feels like the future parly reversed.
do you know that feeling ?
lying in a closed box, fit your body, no light penetrates it
you are all alone
that’s the final resting, end of this current lifetime.
while still alive, i can hold many hands of friends
share laughters and sadness, being supported, being betrayed
when the time comes, i hold no one hands,
from the cradle to the grave, feelis like a fast-forwarded movie.
while i still alive, i choose to stay away
being a loner, but not antisocial
so when the time comes, it doesn’t matter i hold no one, nothing
i let my heart has empty space, so it feels closer to the empty sky
living in this world, I think it is already a great effort
to avoid dangers, avoid risking others; life, avoid commiting sins
to deal with pains, deal with problems, and deal with ups and downs of life
and survive with peaceful heart, freed from anger, hatred, and regrets.
i’m not afraid of death.
it’s just i am afraid if when i die, my mind filled with regrets and my heart is restless.
therefore, may when i die, circumstances let me build a condition to retain such peace of mind, without regrets.
therefore, let me live this life, at its best, free from hatred, ill-will, and hypocrisy.
may all beings retain their happiness, be at peace.
she walks with her barefoot, across the streets and bridges
under the sky, she finds an abandoned garden
sit there, she remembers some pieces of bittersweet memories
whispers to herself, “not bad, isn’t it?”
for all the experiences,
chances she’d taken, failed or succeeded
chances she’d not taken, regretted or grateful
let them go, one by one
how spacious she must build a house for herself
to save all her belongings
how far she must go
to see the world
how deep she must dig
to bury all her sorrows
how long she must wait the rain to stop
inside her heart, it is raining as well.