1, 2 STEPS
ah i am going crazy
living in these lies
i’m gonna turning back,
even there’s no u-turn
green light, red light hits me
the clown cannot clean his face mask
rain, tears, drowning him, suffocated by his own lies
so don’t,. don’t take the highway
because you said it.
so i keep it in mind lightly…
so i listen to it.
feels so close to the hell’s gate.
right in front of it,
i feel no fear.
it has no adequate light,
it is cool but not cold
it is unbright but no dust, no dirt
it is gloom, but i’m calm
there is no sound, no any beings what-so-over
surrounded by unfamiliarities, tranquil and static
how long should i stay here
can i be forever, could not i leave as i like ?
i create an imaginary view through the chants,
i do not remember my previous lives, so i consider those are merely a belief
i do not expect a next life, if repetitive laughters and sadness keep occuring,
so, just here, in front of the hell’s gate is just fine.
why do you stand there ?
refuse to come to me ?
is it better there ?
am i standing on a pitiful place ?
no matter how many white clouds up on the sky
i guess the dark night paint them all black
if to cry, eyes turn red, sky turns blood
God is one, but He is like two-faced coin.
getting used to believe He is good, all good.
there will be times I believe I am wrong.
It is not about good or bad,
it is about deserve or not deserve.
she is crying inside, no matter how he is trying to cheer her up
his sounds are just like that penetrates the concrete walls.
let the fallen buried deep in a hunger mountains
keep the ashes intact from soaring up to the sky
to be in such state of devastation
suspicious mind, worse than the strangers
wind blows my anger to everywhere it pleased
leave me with these walls with ears.
low, keep low
slow the heartbeat
bow, keep bowing
to the centre of the heart
to the beyond i throw my sight in silence
passing your lifetimes
it is not a waiting for someone
it is a waiting until everything empty and dispersed,
The scenery above and beyond is surrounded by think layered mists, layer by layer;
I am afraid to see the sun refuses to shine today, even we always see the sunset in dawns;
I am not afraid to die, if it has to die, just die and go like that, however,
the uncertainty and endless painful, somehow spreading its tears and breaking the faith among us.
So ungrateful of my thoughts, sighing to myself why I were born from the start if we all are going to die,
through whole-time pains and sufferings, temporary moments of joy and happiness only.
So uneasy for me to make myself believe the purpose of life, as if they define God, Heaven and hell,
witness compassion and caring could be so wrong, surrounded by blood, lust, greed and hatred.
I want to be silent, less care, less worry-will it make me a worse person?
I want to take control and lead my destiny-is it possible if being chained by ignorance and laziness?
In the end I just want to become a wind–but even this thought is stuck in a humid box, unclean and unwanted.
Human beings, living in this world, with their vary skills on the stage, to whom they shown it, how deep ego was fed up?
They told me to be patient, but I am becoming an ignorant patient.
[3 May 2017]:
i just cannot tolerate stupid people.
to win a debate with stupid people is actually a waste of energy.
okay, that foolish creature might loose to you,
but you got nothing really useful from winning a debate with a sh*t like that.
so, just ignore, avoid, whatever,
let that piece of sh*t rotten by itself.
unless it is unavoidable.
and related to anger management toward such imbeciles,
let the mentally retarded sh*ts making noises themselves,
i just need to calm down a while, plug in my earphone,
listen to favorite songs over and over.
maybe by avoiding anger,
my world could be more better,
just to make sure as long as it is eligible to be hold off.