independent and alone

i am happy to think if someday i could be really independent and alone.

you could be happier if there’s someone next to you, to care about you,

if someone really cares about me, is that mean i should also care for that person vice versa ?
if the answer is yes, then i prefer to care only myself.
if the answer is no, then that person can give that affection to someone else who wants it.

the feeling of being abandoned and left to die in pain until no longer feel anything,
is worse than being alone without having anything to feel and live for.

and the worst is when i cannot decide which side i’m gonna stand for.

but now, i love my choice of being alone and share no affections but to myself.

all of these times, i live my life for the others.
such a fool, disappointed after realizing they didn’t want it.

or perhaps i should be thankful,
by this way, i found a way to love myself as a whole.


just some quotes

no matter how hard you try to convince them, the grass always greener on the other side in the eyes of the ungrafeful people.

there are two types of people who won’t be grateful to your kindness:
1. they do not need it
2. they do not need it from you.

you can throw tantrums, but in the end you pick them up yourself.

once i found out one’s true color is a trash, there will be only two options dealing with that person:
1. deal and incinerate it
2. no deal and let it rotten.

ordinary people and grateful

how good is the “ordinary people” ?

“ordinary people”, they commit wrongdoings, but never really fundamentals. they do not kill, do not steal, do not spread hatred, do not spread hoaxes, do not cheat on their lover, stay loyal to one beloved person. Do not indulge themselves in alcohol, drugs, and other heavy addictions. Stay calm, kind, and humble.

Just ordinary.

They do not achieve big, not a looser but surely not a successful billionaire. They do not bring major changes, either for good or for bad, just stay as straight as possible.

Sometimes they fall, but never broken. Sometimes they fly, but always get back to the ground.

Their existences filled the ordinary days, ordinary life.

And I see nothing wrong with it, yet it is actually a right thing, beautiful.

Just like riding a car on a narrow road,  noticed you’ve driven halfway from home and you cannot turn back but move on, even if you would like to come back, you gotta take the remaining road first.

Just like this circle of life.

Reincarnation or another, it’s just another road, another story, another character.

To love you more, seems shallow. But that is what I would carry it into my graveyard, hold it until my final breath.

In this life, to be able to meet you has already a great blessing.

If memories won’t be forgotten, time never see me grow old; then no matter how long the road, how many aeons to pass, I won’t understand how grateful I am for meeting you in this lifetime.

until the end of life

until now i do not know, and i will never believe the truth if not witnessing it myself.

since it’s impossible to turn back time, be there on the spot, therefore i should not pursuing the truth anymore.

that my heart hurt, and still left a mark until now, however it is gone once i leave this world, so, this mark doesn’t mean a lot anymore.

that you might hate me, it was your choice, i don’t want to think about it.

that your heart might broken more into pieces than me, that you might blame yourself, i completely feel sorry for you, but, i tell you, all doesn’t matter once we leave this world and we should prepare for it.

the detailed things on “how could you”, and “did it has any other reasons behind”, even so, the result stayed the same. irreversible things were regretful, but how deep our understanding on them ?

the detailed other things such as, “since when”, and “did that really necessary”, also didn’t change the ending for whatever answers you gave me.

Born in the different place, different time; meet in a fateful situation, aimed to live for a lifetime commitment, but who could predict the ending, as nothing last forever. The ending gonna be, we died on different place, different time, same mourns.

Thru good and bad, ups and downs, I will only take the beautiful memories into my graveyard. And these beautiful memories would also die, along with me.

Therefore, just for a half life, it was enough for me to be thankful. If we do not like the ending, then only in dreams we could fix it. Reality is, nothing to fixed, life is just like that.

Not hoping for a miracle, just enough being grateful for the good things in the bad times.


peaceful heart palace

its okay everything gonna be alright
the worst thing won’t happen
cos everything will be under your control
shaking trembling but you stand strong

even there is no sun to light my path
and the moon was beaten by heavy fogs
i will move on in darkness
i have this heart to be the most dependable guide

if loving a person could be so tiring
then it is not love, so i would cut the red string
let it floats in the air, and i fall into the distance
a peaceful heart, a still image, a soundless heart-palace.