in this life i was drunken by ideality
i swallow bitterness in hoping for sweet ending
who knows once i step back, i never get back to where i stand
therefore can only move on, singing the songs when i was young
step by step your lonely image chasing the wind is getting blurred
who knows once i thought that sincerest smile turns into rainy cloud
once it settles down, may be you will see things clearer
from the beginning til the end, i love you just like becoming dusts.
put down all my belongings, put down all that is mine.
my feelings, my thoughts, my existence
i don’t even stay in any realm.
let the fallen buried deep in a hunger mountains
keep the ashes intact from soaring up to the sky
to be in such state of devastation
suspicious mind, worse than the strangers
wind blows my anger to everywhere it pleased
leave me with these walls with ears.
low, keep low
slow the heartbeat
bow, keep bowing
to the centre of the heart
to the beyond i throw my sight in silence
passing your lifetimes
it is not a waiting for someone
it is a waiting until everything empty and dispersed,
it’s hard to listen to my own cries,
it’s hard to make the tears stop flowing
i put down your hanged photo, my walls are all clean now
burned all your notes, gifts, belongings, all become dusts
how come there’s no light, the sky is always monochrome since you’re left
i feel want to end this journey soon, this lifetime seems plain and dead
walking down the streets, their laughter, argues, echos til the night falls
so i sing alone, until only illusions of day and night fly in and out.
there are times
i really just want to be alone.
i think…most times.
i often daydreaming
living in a secluded place, remote area,
safe, sound, the air is clean and vegetation is pure.
as if i’m looking at the vast night sky,
no boundaries, infinite darkness
and then, i keep all for myself,
death is like bringing nothing to a great rocky desert of mourning
while alive is like walking under the burning sun of desires.
all for myself,
karma bearer of its own maker,
be happy, you, a free and selfless soul.
AS MUCH AS I AM SAD, ANGRY,
AS HIGH AS I AM HAPPY, JOYFUL,
I AM ALWAYS WILLING TO TRADE ALL OF THEM WITH DEATH,
IF ONLY DEATH IS ONLY DEATH, NO HEAVEN, NO HELL, NO GOD.
they said in the end we’re all alone no matter how the graveyard filled with tombstones.
as for me,
the road i take is a path to the cemetery where all trees are lining together, but all of them seemed solely stand.
so here i am all alone.
no longer afraid of loneliness, just need to be more cautious,
circumstances are getting cold, thick snow might hide some pits,
keeping myself warm, cling onto this so called faith,
Thanks, i guess.
for making me has no option but being strong.