i used to write down the things i hate at the office.
as far as i remember most related to those uncooperative colleagues,
some were my own undisciplined character, made my tasks completed with flaws.
but to think it over, all my problems as above, the things i hate, are not important now.
because it all happened in the past, let it be. i’m just fine right now.
when i was a little kid, my mom often said this phrase “this is life”
now i can understand what was actually she talked about,
the matters of life, being born, live a life, becoming old, sick, and die,
paths taken, with all the experiences, tears, joy, until the end.
seeing the babies born
seeing the oldies passed away
seeing the youngsters with blissful or wasteful youth
under this same old empty sky…
i used to say, i want to become the wind,
but now i want to become an air,
because it is unseen, cannot be felt,
just fill the emptiness with nothingness.
listening to old songs
feels like yesterday’s newly released
i miss those times
feels like the future parly reversed.
i’m not afraid of death.
it’s just i am afraid if when i die, my mind filled with regrets and my heart is restless.
therefore, may when i die, circumstances let me build a condition to retain such peace of mind, without regrets.
therefore, let me live this life, at its best, free from hatred, ill-will, and hypocrisy.
may all beings retain their happiness, be at peace.
like this, the end is not really that bad
it’s just me, walk this path alone
for all this time, i thought my life would be cold
actually it is enough to feel the warmth of the sunshine
listening to my own breath
in this simple, simple one moment in lifetime
remove my shadow blocking the light,
happiness and sadness, and myself.
in this life i was drunken by ideality
i swallow bitterness in hoping for sweet ending
who knows once i step back, i never get back to where i stand
therefore can only move on, singing the songs when i was young
step by step your lonely image chasing the wind is getting blurred
who knows once i thought that sincerest smile turns into rainy cloud
once it settles down, may be you will see things clearer
from the beginning til the end, i love you just like becoming dusts.
put down all my belongings, put down all that is mine.
my feelings, my thoughts, my existence
i don’t even stay in any realm.
let the fallen buried deep in a hunger mountains
keep the ashes intact from soaring up to the sky
to be in such state of devastation
suspicious mind, worse than the strangers
wind blows my anger to everywhere it pleased
leave me with these walls with ears.
low, keep low
slow the heartbeat
bow, keep bowing
to the centre of the heart
to the beyond i throw my sight in silence
passing your lifetimes
it is not a waiting for someone
it is a waiting until everything empty and dispersed,
what’s the point of sacrificing yourself
for my happiness ?
and I ask myself as well,
what’s the point of being saddened like this
if at least someone from us could be happier
i won’t let all of us hurt just like that
so, in situation like this, i pray
and pray, and pray,
even thou there is no God, no celestial beings,
i pray for a better way, least one of us could be happier,
even if that means one of us must sacrifice,
let it be me, allow me to sacrifice
if you disagree about it, then let us make sure both of us happy, never leave each other like that.