laments.

i used to write down the things i hate at the office.
as far as i remember most related to those uncooperative colleagues,
some were my own undisciplined character, made my tasks completed with flaws.
but to think it over, all my problems as above, the things i hate, are not important now.

because it all happened in the past, let it be. i’m just fine right now.

when i was a little kid, my mom often said this phrase “this is life”
now i can understand what was actually she talked about,
the matters of life, being born, live a life, becoming old, sick, and die,
paths taken, with all the experiences, tears, joy, until the end.

seeing the babies born
seeing the oldies passed away
seeing the youngsters with blissful or wasteful youth
under this same old empty sky…

i used to say, i want to become the wind,
but now i want to become an air,
because it is unseen, cannot be felt,
just fill the emptiness with nothingness.

listening to old songs
feels like yesterday’s newly released
i miss those times
feels like the future parly reversed.

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death note.

do you know that feeling ?
lying in a closed box, fit your body, no light penetrates it
you are all alone
that’s the final resting, end of this current lifetime.

while still alive, i can hold many hands of friends
share laughters and sadness, being supported, being betrayed
when the time comes, i hold no one hands,
from the cradle to the grave, feelis like a fast-forwarded movie.

while i still alive, i choose to stay away
being a loner, but not antisocial
so when the time comes, it doesn’t matter i hold no one, nothing
i let my heart has empty space, so it feels closer to the empty sky

living in this world, I think it is already a great effort
to avoid dangers, avoid risking others; life, avoid commiting sins
to deal with pains, deal with problems, and deal with ups and downs of life
and survive with peaceful heart, freed from anger, hatred, and regrets.

die.

i’m not afraid of death.

it’s just i am afraid if when i die, my mind filled with regrets and my heart is restless.

therefore, may when i die, circumstances let me build a condition to retain such peace of mind, without regrets.

therefore, let me live this life, at its best, free from hatred, ill-will, and hypocrisy.

may all beings retain their happiness, be at peace.

unseen but familiar

i see those faces,
the newborns
the young ones
the old ones
the cemetery

i see those tears,
laughters,
sadness,
happiness,
aspirations and desperations

i see those guests
come and go
nothing stays forever
but they keep coming
until the day i close these eyes

and open it again
to experience those sights
unseen but familiar
wish to be better
strive to do more.

a shadow’s master

a shadow won’t ever leave its master.
it will faithfully accompany its master to the graveyard.
so let’s stop worrying each other,
we’ll be fine, walking our separated ways.

a shadow would tell the differences between light and darkness,
it will clearly reflect our heart, follow us thru years.
so what if we are no longer walk together ?
we have our own shadow, no one can separate it from us.

only when there’s no light
only when there’s no darkness
the shadow disappear,
just like us.

some people aren’t meant to be together til the end,
lets say a short-lived beautiful fate.
just because we choose different ways.
doesn’t mean one of us is wrong and the other is right.

somehow everything is crying;
the wind, the monastery bells, the rain, the breaths
my crying heart stops,
bittersweet, but it’s getting plain day by day.

Borrowed Soul

borrow me an umbrella
escape the lights,
so my soul can walk comfortably
with her beside me

borrow me a lantern
accompanied by a dim light,
so i can walk thru this dark alley
see our shadows walk together

borrow me a time
once i wasted
under this endless misty rain
see her for the last time

she walk under the moonlight
the frozen breeze hit her bones
but she refuse to say it’s cold

wind blows, tell her most favorite fable
tears falls, rewinding her most remembered words
i can see her buried dreams turn into ashes

as if walking to endless path
against the wind, among the crowd
whispering to the wind the words she haven’t said
wishing us for a better ordinary life.

my life.

not being pretentious care
just a shabby greetings
for the persons without decent virtues
i should stand up with my own feet
carry my own weight
short or tall, wide or narrow
there goes my steps, my visions

not being a coward
just too much determination
over thinking kills but i say wait
the moment will come as long as do my best
for worst i’ve walked til the end of the road
isn’t that is the greatest possession,
a human being from cradle to grave

years like a glance of a light
take the fast train from life’s one point to another
human beings, being alive, is to die without regrets
this long road in short span of time
waited for so long but as if happened yesterday
for the people i wish their happiness,
and those i wish nothing, just be patient.