pitiful and miracle.

i am pitying myself because i am pitiful.

life is pitiful anyway, for those who failed to search for happiness and give up to.

actually my life isn’t pitiful because i never give up. note this, “giving up” is different from “letting go”.

i often let go of things once i feel suffer from clinging onto them. then, only by letting go, everything’s getting better. it works like that naturally.

back to the topic “pitiful”.

maybe no one have a pity on me, not because they are heartless, and also not because i am also not that pitiful, it’s just i don’t need a pity from anyone.

i did wrong, i regret. i commit wrongdoings, i try to correct them. if fail, i repent and do not repeat. i would accept the consequences, with or without tears, i understand whether in whatever state, pitiful or normal, i must guide myself thru this heart: think simple, clean, and sincere. have a compassion and be diligent.

lately situations got out of control. i dunno why friends less caring about me. there is a person who seems to spread that virus but whether this is truth or not, i cannot really control it.

first, because i have a conscience i did no wrong to all of them. but of course, i will more and more watch this mouth, action, and mind.

second, because i have lost my loved one, and one by one they would leave me someday. therefore, while my loved ones still there, why would i care about merely “friends” ? life and death are like that, naturally happens, we should cherish while can.

third, i often repeat this: right or wrong, it is only a process of cause and effect. so do not hate, control your mouth and anger, focus your mind and be calm.

cool.

but … i do believe in miracle. we deserve miracle because we have a good karma. like i have said before, as soon as you let go your heart burden, you will get a free space to fill it with good things, including a miracle.

miracle is not perfect, but they always could make you smile and grateful.

 

 

 

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ignorance, calmness, and criticism.

no matter what, life is sometimes full of boring surprises.
there is no reason for loving or hating a person,
no definitive words could explain why-
because i rely much on fate.

whether a short-lived fate, or a predestined fate,
nothing last forever, and it’s just impossible to reject this fact.
i used to introspect myself too much, why people treated me such way
but later i understand, as long as I still have a conscience, what else to worry ?

people with different backgrounds,
easily i could spot others’ flaws,
however it doesn’t matter,
because i want to perfect myself, not to criticize others.

betrayal

sometimes it is like stepping on thin ice lake
as thin as the heart easily broken into pieces
some evaporates, some back to frozen
holding my own palms, the only warmth

i don’t know how come the weather could be like this
as it reflects my insecure moment right now
to run deep into forest of devastation
or soar up onto the sky of ignorance

if recent hearsay is about people come and go
good or bad, let none left deep impression
when all hands folded, i open mine for myself
the only warmth that won’t betray.

Divergence

The scenery above and beyond is surrounded by think layered mists, layer by layer;
I am afraid to see the sun refuses to shine today, even we always see the sunset in dawns;
I am not afraid to die, if it has to die, just die and go like that, however,
the uncertainty and endless painful, somehow spreading its tears and breaking the faith among us.

So ungrateful of my thoughts, sighing to myself why I were born from the start if we all are going to die,
through whole-time pains and sufferings, temporary moments of joy and happiness only.
So uneasy for me to make myself believe the purpose of life, as if they define God, Heaven and hell,
witness compassion and caring could be so wrong, surrounded by blood, lust, greed and hatred.

I want to be silent, less care, less worry-will it make me a worse person?
I want to take control and lead my destiny-is it possible if being chained by ignorance and laziness?
In the end I just want to become a wind–but even this thought is stuck in a humid box, unclean and unwanted.
Human beings, living in this world, with their vary skills on the stage, to whom they shown it, how deep ego was fed up?

They told me to be patient, but I am becoming an ignorant patient.