as we grow older, we are able to accept more unwanted results from the well-planned actions and strategies.
there are actually lot of things would not turn out as expected, no matter how hard you try, how smart you play, and how siincere you pray.
now to think about it, as a human being, I can only control my efforts, mind, and heart. whatever will be happen, those are beyond my reach.
as the lifespan of mine shortened day by day, there are lots of things to let go, day by day.
a place to hide…
not for myself from the outside world
but to put all my sorrows in a place
therefore i come back stronger
fingers, pointing at one place
inside a heart, bury deep all along
take care, well done til the end of the road
fearless thought, even no grip to hold on
like a feather, floating smoothly in the air
without direction, following the wind blows
my thoughts, wandering aimlessly
without solid evidence, trusting intuition merely
memories like a short-movie
filmed in rushed and no script dialogues
to hate, to love, to let go
and leave it just it is.
to the kind persons in my life.
of course, my parents.
well, also Buddha.
life companions …
and also …
thanking myself all these years
be able to avoid things that would be regretted later
be able to do things that would inspire me to do better
be able to never stop learning, always try to be honest and humble.
because life is just like a dream, isn’t it?
whether it is a good dream, a nightmare,
as some things not ours to take control,
all i have to do is treat this self properly, behave well.
in the end, i think, it doesn’t matter if you don’t achieve great things,
because life itself is great, as long as you live properly, grow compassion and sincerity
it is a blessing to all, not bringing disgrace to family and society, just live as it is,
may all beings be happy, be able to retain their happiness, be at peace.
do you know that feeling ?
lying in a closed box, fit your body, no light penetrates it
you are all alone
that’s the final resting, end of this current lifetime.
while still alive, i can hold many hands of friends
share laughters and sadness, being supported, being betrayed
when the time comes, i hold no one hands,
from the cradle to the grave, feelis like a fast-forwarded movie.
while i still alive, i choose to stay away
being a loner, but not antisocial
so when the time comes, it doesn’t matter i hold no one, nothing
i let my heart has empty space, so it feels closer to the empty sky
living in this world, I think it is already a great effort
to avoid dangers, avoid risking others; life, avoid commiting sins
to deal with pains, deal with problems, and deal with ups and downs of life
and survive with peaceful heart, freed from anger, hatred, and regrets.
i’m not afraid of death.
it’s just i am afraid if when i die, my mind filled with regrets and my heart is restless.
therefore, may when i die, circumstances let me build a condition to retain such peace of mind, without regrets.
therefore, let me live this life, at its best, free from hatred, ill-will, and hypocrisy.
may all beings retain their happiness, be at peace.
she walks with her barefoot, across the streets and bridges
under the sky, she finds an abandoned garden
sit there, she remembers some pieces of bittersweet memories
whispers to herself, “not bad, isn’t it?”
for all the experiences,
chances she’d taken, failed or succeeded
chances she’d not taken, regretted or grateful
let them go, one by one
how spacious she must build a house for herself
to save all her belongings
how far she must go
to see the world
how deep she must dig
to bury all her sorrows
how long she must wait the rain to stop
inside her heart, it is raining as well.
i see those faces,
the young ones
the old ones
i see those tears,
aspirations and desperations
i see those guests
come and go
nothing stays forever
but they keep coming
until the day i close these eyes
and open it again
to experience those sights
unseen but familiar
wish to be better
strive to do more.