do you know that feeling ?
lying in a closed box, fit your body, no light penetrates it
you are all alone
that’s the final resting, end of this current lifetime.
while still alive, i can hold many hands of friends
share laughters and sadness, being supported, being betrayed
when the time comes, i hold no one hands,
from the cradle to the grave, feelis like a fast-forwarded movie.
while i still alive, i choose to stay away
being a loner, but not antisocial
so when the time comes, it doesn’t matter i hold no one, nothing
i let my heart has empty space, so it feels closer to the empty sky
living in this world, I think it is already a great effort
to avoid dangers, avoid risking others; life, avoid commiting sins
to deal with pains, deal with problems, and deal with ups and downs of life
and survive with peaceful heart, freed from anger, hatred, and regrets.
i’m not afraid of death.
it’s just i am afraid if when i die, my mind filled with regrets and my heart is restless.
therefore, may when i die, circumstances let me build a condition to retain such peace of mind, without regrets.
therefore, let me live this life, at its best, free from hatred, ill-will, and hypocrisy.
may all beings retain their happiness, be at peace.
she walks with her barefoot, across the streets and bridges
under the sky, she finds an abandoned garden
sit there, she remembers some pieces of bittersweet memories
whispers to herself, “not bad, isn’t it?”
for all the experiences,
chances she’d taken, failed or succeeded
chances she’d not taken, regretted or grateful
let them go, one by one
how spacious she must build a house for herself
to save all her belongings
how far she must go
to see the world
how deep she must dig
to bury all her sorrows
how long she must wait the rain to stop
inside her heart, it is raining as well.
i see those faces,
the young ones
the old ones
i see those tears,
aspirations and desperations
i see those guests
come and go
nothing stays forever
but they keep coming
until the day i close these eyes
and open it again
to experience those sights
unseen but familiar
wish to be better
strive to do more.
like this, the end is not really that bad
it’s just me, walk this path alone
for all this time, i thought my life would be cold
actually it is enough to feel the warmth of the sunshine
listening to my own breath
in this simple, simple one moment in lifetime
remove my shadow blocking the light,
happiness and sadness, and myself.
borrow me an umbrella
escape the lights,
so my soul can walk comfortably
with her beside me
borrow me a lantern
accompanied by a dim light,
so i can walk thru this dark alley
see our shadows walk together
borrow me a time
once i wasted
under this endless misty rain
see her for the last time
she walk under the moonlight
the frozen breeze hit her bones
but she refuse to say it’s cold
wind blows, tell her most favorite fable
tears falls, rewinding her most remembered words
i can see her buried dreams turn into ashes
as if walking to endless path
against the wind, among the crowd
whispering to the wind the words she haven’t said
wishing us for a better ordinary life.