i am pitying myself because i am pitiful.
life is pitiful anyway, for those who failed to search for happiness and give up to.
actually my life isn’t pitiful because i never give up. note this, “giving up” is different from “letting go”.
i often let go of things once i feel suffer from clinging onto them. then, only by letting go, everything’s getting better. it works like that naturally.
back to the topic “pitiful”.
maybe no one have a pity on me, not because they are heartless, and also not because i am also not that pitiful, it’s just i don’t need a pity from anyone.
i did wrong, i regret. i commit wrongdoings, i try to correct them. if fail, i repent and do not repeat. i would accept the consequences, with or without tears, i understand whether in whatever state, pitiful or normal, i must guide myself thru this heart: think simple, clean, and sincere. have a compassion and be diligent.
lately situations got out of control. i dunno why friends less caring about me. there is a person who seems to spread that virus but whether this is truth or not, i cannot really control it.
first, because i have a conscience i did no wrong to all of them. but of course, i will more and more watch this mouth, action, and mind.
second, because i have lost my loved one, and one by one they would leave me someday. therefore, while my loved ones still there, why would i care about merely “friends” ? life and death are like that, naturally happens, we should cherish while can.
third, i often repeat this: right or wrong, it is only a process of cause and effect. so do not hate, control your mouth and anger, focus your mind and be calm.
but … i do believe in miracle. we deserve miracle because we have a good karma. like i have said before, as soon as you let go your heart burden, you will get a free space to fill it with good things, including a miracle.
miracle is not perfect, but they always could make you smile and grateful.